Day 62, March 3: Because I Said So

My Favorite

Father Tips

Anyone who is older than, say 40, will recognize the phrase I used as the title of this entry. Our fathers - and even mothers - used it when they didn't want to discuss, debate or bargain with us (things parents do too much of these days). And, anyone following my blog will know that I believe I could be a better husband. Dad? Well, the only thing I'm more proud of is how my two sons have turned out. They lost their mother as teens. Yet, they went through school without drinking, taking drugs, failing any classes and getting any girl pregnant. If ANY boys had a reason to rebel, it was them. But they didn't, made lots of friends and are now in college. I'd like to think I had a little to do with that.

1. Be the boss: At an early age (2-7), I avoided asking the boys questions like "Are you ready for bed yet?" or "Should we get your coat on now?" When I knew it was time, it was time. Period.

2. Be a friend, too: Nobody played and goofed around and laughed with their kids more than I did. Exhausted from a long day at work or even after splitting wood, I spent time with them if they asked me to.

3. Rule No. 1: My boys weren't allowed to swear, so I didn't (with a few occasional human slips). These parents who think it's cute when their toddler cusses will end up having rowdier kids. Believe me.

4. Rule No. 2: They got responsible looking haircuts as pre-teens. No hair down to their shoulders. No Mohawks. As teenagers, I gave them the option and they ended up choosing short haircuts.

5. Rule No. 3: No cellphone for a pre-teen. Even though that was back in the "Dark Ages" of cellphones, I would still have that rule today. Not sure how I'd handle the Internet, Facebook and the like.

6. Rule No. 4: Summing up the previous three, I went out of my way to be stricter than other parents without becoming a John Rosemond (a very strict parenting columnist). I truly believe kids yearn for strict rules.

7. Be human: I apologized and explained later why they had to be disciplined. I admitted when I was wrong. And, I told them I'd be more sad than mad if they started drinking or taking drugs.

8. Make them be accountable: On very rare occasions, they were grounded. I told them straight out that my trust in them had been tested and that they needed to earn it back.

I also said I believed they would.

9. Give up control: As they got into their mid-teens and proved they could be responsible and trustworthy, I let them make some grown-up decisions. For the most part, they were great. But rules still applied.

10. Moving on: By the time they turn 18-21, you better hope they still respect you and share time with you. If they don't, you'll wonder what you did. My sons and I will soon head to Indianapolis for our sixth or seventh annual Guys Sports Trip.

Love them dearly.