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Monday, August 29, 2011

Day 241, Aug. 29: Mourning Without God

10 Ways to Handle a Loss
If You Don't Lean on God
I was made aware of a 30-something man who may soon lose his wife, but also be left with two young daughters. He's not a religious man. I thought about him a lot today. Could I - who relied so much on God during the loss of my wife eight years ago - possibly give a non-believer any advice? I wanted to try.
1. Take it a day at a time. If that doesn't work, get through the next hour. And, yes, maybe even a minute. Some minutes will seem too painful to handle, but believe that the next one will be better.
2. Dig down deep to where you once had to go to handle a challenge. You WILL be able to go deeper yet.
3. Don't only accept help and support from others - SEEK IT! You will have so many hours alone (especially at night), it's imperative that you spend time with others, as well.
4. Don't be ashamed to cry. And don't worry about when or where. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't when others think it should, so be it. I used up a lot of my tears in the shower.
5. Start writing down your feelings, preferably in a journal or diary so that it becomes a regular release. It really helps, believe me. And be honest. If you HATE the moment you are writing, write that down.
6. When you think you are at your lowest, always remember that someone somewhere has it worse. Though it may not seem fair, it can help you catch your breath and not hit rock bottom.
7. Do what YOU need to do to handle it. There are no rules. Don't worry about what others think or say. Many of the "crutches" you will use will be temporary. But use them, because you are broken. 
8. If you have children, make them the No. 1 priority. They need someone who is strong because for every question you have about why this happened, they have two or three more. Do things with them. Remind them how proud their late mother or father was of them and always will be.
9. As you shouldn't be ashamed to cry, don't be ashamed to laugh, either. It won't be right away and it won't be often; but laughing is an amazing healer - especially with loved ones.
10. Be willing to move on. "When" is irrelevant. When you start moving on, it doesn't mean you're ignoring or forgetting the past. LIFE moves on, with or without you. Remember, somebody else - your children, a relative or even a stranger - will likely benefit if you're willing to eventually move on and be an unbroken person again.

1 comment:

  1. Please, if it's in you to do so, capture as much of the history and stories as you can and put them on paper. Preserve this and it will, in time, be a precious inheritance for those daughters and, even, their families many years from now. May the pleasure in recollection ease some of the loss.

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